[家有差生，千万别拔苗助长，小心让孩子陷入恐慌！]每位父母都希望孩子在成长中把最大的潜能发挥好，走上更宽广的平台，遇见更优秀的自己。可是，怎样才是正确的让孩子一步一步朝着最优秀的自己靠近呢？?孩子和成人一样，内心都有三种...+阅读

A friend of mine was the chief operating officer of a profitable media pany that merged with a petitor.Under the merger agreement he was slated2） to be an integral part of the newly formed pany's senior management.But he didn't see eye to eye with the new CEO on major issues.As a result，he is out of a job.When I had a chance to miserate3） with him and find out what he planned to do next，he told me：“Mark，I frankly don't regard this hiccup4） in my career as bad news.But my family and friends seem to think it's a major calamity5）。I'm 50years old and，with my stock and severance6） package，I don't need to rush back to work.Yet everyone is urging me to get back to work immediately.The longer I'm unemployed，the harder it will be to find a job.I'll be 'damaged goods.' I don't think I'm risking my career by taking a well－earned break.”

The more I thought about it，the more convinced I was that my friend was taking a remarkably enlightened app roach to this“calamity.”Most people who he been suddenly put out to pasture tend to panic，when，in fact，they really should be maintaining their poise and sorting out their options.The interesting thing about career panic is how many ways it manifests itself.Panic isn't just the sweaty－browed terror of searching for the next job.It can also be a failure to say “no” to a job that's wrong for you，a failure to consider all your options，or a failure simply to put the unpleasant memories of your old employer behind you.

All these mental errors，which might be obvious if you could distance yourself from an admittedly stressful situation are forms of panic，as are the following two points that even the smartest people often overlook.

1.Don' t feel you he to show everyone you were wronged.The normal impulse when you've just been axed——and this applies whether you've been axed from your job or fired by a client or lost a major account——is to show the world that you w ere some－how wronged.People regard the loss as an attack on their image and self－esteem.So，in a slight state of shock，they immediately dive into the same situation，as if that will show the world that they hen't lost their touch.In other words，they panic.They fail to step back and ask themselves whether they should be doing that job in the first place，or if they like handling clients or servicing accounts.

Some years ago I knew the chairman of a n American industrial pany who was forced out of his post after a losing bitter takeover battle with a foreign conglomerate7）。This chairman，already in his 60s，could easily he moved on to a second career as a well－paid consultant，giving speeches，lecturing at business schools，and functioning as an eminence8） grise in his field.But losing his pany rankled him——to the point where，within weeks of his departure，he announced that he had acquired control of a new pany and planned to pete directly with his old pany.I'm sure this decision was totally ego－driven；he wanted to show the world that he hadn't lost a step.Unfortunately，running a start－up pany is nothing like running a large anization.Tasks that he could delegate to several layers of staff in his previous life were now his alone to do.Without his old pany's resources，he couldn't function at his best.

Within a couple of years，he realized he was miserable，and it showed in his pany's miserable performance.He lost money and prestige by this misbegotten9） attempt to show the world it was wrong.I can't help thinking that he could he rounded off his career m ore gracefully if he hadn't pressed the panic button，if he had waited a few months to get a more objective look at his options and perhaps watch some interesting offers roll in.

2.Don' t bad－mouth your exemployer.Feeling bitter towards a former employer（or client or customer）who has treated you badly is one of the more interesting forms of panic，because it's so predictable.For that reason alone，people should be shrewd enough to swallow their bitterness.Over the y ears，I've met dozens of people who he literally made second careers out of bad－mouthing their ex－employers.I don't know what perceived injustices or psychological pressures force them to behe this way，but it's not rational and it rarely helps their cause.

For one thing，trashing your former employer is a classic case of looking backward rather than forwards.Perhaps more important，speaking ill of your old pany doesn't speak well of you.A friend who had been particularly ill-served by his longtime employer once told me the smartest decision he made after negotiating his severance was to promise himself never to say anything bad about his old pany.“I suppose it made me look like a noble fellow to some people，that I could let bygones10） be bygones.But I had a more practical motive：I didn't want to sever my ties with all the talented people I knew at the pany.I doubt if my ex－colleagues would be so co－operative if they knew I was going around trashing the pany that was signing their paychecks.”

by Mark McCormack

我的一个朋友在一家赢利丰厚的媒体公司做经理，这家公司后来与它的一个对手合并。按照合并协议，他被选入新公司的高级管理层任职。然而在重大问题上他和总经理意见不合，于是失去了工作。当我有机会向他表示同情，了解到他的下一步意图时，他对我说：“马克，说真的，我并没把这个事业上的小小不顺当回事。但我的朋友和家人却觉得这是个了不得的大灾难似的。我已50来岁了，凭手里的股票加上离职金，用不着赶紧再找工作。可人人都催我马上再找一份职业。我失业时间越长，找工作就越难。我就得成'废品'了。可我理所当然应该休息休息，并不认为这是在拿我的事业冒险。”

我越琢磨这件事，越确信我的朋友面对这一“灾难”采取的是一种非常豁达开明的态度。多数被突然解职的人容易惊惶失措，而实际上他们应该保持镇静，选择出路。有意思的是，事业上的恐慌可在多方面表现出来。恐慌不仅仅是头上冒汗，心里害怕，急着再找一份工作。它也使你面对一份不适合你的工作说不出“不”字，忘记考虑所有其他的选择，也不能把关于从前雇主的种种不愉快的记忆从你脑海里抹去。所有这些思维上的错误都是恐慌的表现形式，你要是从大家公认的艰难环境中脱身出来，就能对它们看得很清楚。下面还有两种应避免的恐慌形式，即使绝顶聪明的人也常常忽略。

1.不要老觉得你应对所有人说你受到了冤枉。你一旦被解雇——这里既指失去了工作，也指失去了当事人或主要客户——最常见的冲动是向全世界宣布你多少受到了委屈。人们觉得失业是对他们形象和自尊心的一次打击。为此在轻微的震惊之中，他们立即再度陷入同样的窘境，似乎以此就能向所有人表明他们仍未失去能力。换句话说，他们变得惊惶失措。他们不能退一步问问自己，是不是最初应该做那份工作，是不是喜欢和当事人打交道或为客户服务。

几年前，我认识一位美国工业公司的经理，他和一家外国联合企业展开一场相互吞并的竞争，结果失利被迫辞职。这位经理已是花甲之年，完全可以另辟蹊径，去做收入不菲的顾问，四处演讲，到商学院讲课，在他的领域当一个无冕。但失去他的公司使他气愤不已，以致他在离开几周之后就宣布他又买断了一家新公司，并打算直接与他过去的公司展开竞争。我敢担保这一决定纯属是受自尊心的驱使；他是想让人们瞧瞧，他没有失利。不幸的是，管理一家新公司和管理一个大企业完全是两码事。过去他可以把任务交给层层下属去做，如今他只得事必躬亲。没有了他过去公司的左右依仗，他无法发挥其才能。

不出几年，他意识到自己痛苦不堪，这悲惨的局面也体现在他公司的经营上。他想让人们知道他受到了冤屈，但这一幼稚可笑的企图却让他失去了金钱和名誉。我禁不住想，假如他没有按下恐慌的按钮，假如他再等几个月，更加客观地审视他的选择，或等待一些让人感兴趣的机会的降临，他本是可以为他的事业画上一个圆满句号的。

2.不要说你从前雇主的坏话。对从前曾待你不善的雇主（或当事人及客户）产生憎恶情绪是恐慌的一种更需注意的形式，因为这种情绪是完全可以预料到的。仅因为此，人们应该放聪明一些，尽量忍受心中的不快。过去若干年中，我曾遇见过好几十个人，他们没有说从前老板的坏话，但却创出了第二份事业。我不知道是一种什么样的委屈感或心理压力强使某些人去说别人的坏话，但这样做是不理智的，对他们的事业无补。

首先，诋毁你的老雇主是典型的向后看而不是向前看的做法。也许更重要的是，对你从前的公司进行攻击并不能说明你就一定好。我有一个朋友，受到了他共事多年的雇主的特别不公平的待遇。他对我说，在他谈妥解雇费后，他所做的最明智的决定就是永不说他公司的坏话。“我觉得我的做法使某些人认为我特高尚，能既往不咎。可是我有一个更实际的动机：我不希望断掉我在那家公司结识的与所有有本事人的关系。要是我从前的同事知道我到处说发给他们工钱的公司的坏话，他们还能再跟我合作才怪呢。”

panic n. 惊慌， 恐慌

slate vt. 提名…为

miserate v. 怜悯， 同情

hiccup n. 打嗝

calamity n. 灾难， 不幸事件

severance n. 断绝

conglomerate n. 集团企业，联合大企业

eminence n. 出众， 显赫

misbegotten adj. 幼稚可笑的，设计得很拙劣的

bygone n. 过去的事

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