[急需四人校园搞笑小品短的]甲：上课（四+普） ：起立（普） 合：老师您好（普） 周玥：今天呢，我们要上的课是“愿望”（四+普） （写字） 周：有哪个同学说一下下自己的愿望呢？（四+普） （大家都举手） 周：那好嘛，小林来说嘛（四） 白林；我的愿望是...+阅读

英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》 Wanderseveryfivemiles 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母Johnny'smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch'smother(LMforshort) 太守之子Mayor'sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC) Prologue本文转自：.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 （J作被打状跑上台，内砸出一卷纸筒，J被打中，狼狈不堪） J:EverybodysaysthatI'mhenpecked,butinfact,I'masstrongasatiger，（小声）whilemy wifeisWuSong. （指着上台处的门大声道）I'mnotafraidofyou！ （内砸出一脸盆，J接住当成盾牌护着头）Then,I'mafraidofwhom? MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme, smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell！ （内又砸出一卷纸筒，击中J） MyGod!Whocanhelpme？（下） Act1 （序幕结束时，JM作窃听状） JM（拄拐棍上）：Ican！ （对门内）Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou? L（扎着围裙，拿着锅铲，从门内跳出来）：I'mhere!What'supmum? JM:I'vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland dearestmother-in-law”. L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what'sup? JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Neverinterruptme! L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken and…… JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson! L（生气地挥动着锅铲）：Oh,youwantagrandson,don'tyou？（开始解围裙）Goandaskyour son.I'mleaving！（扯下围裙，扔在JM的脸上，下） Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线，L拿着锅铲上) L:Mum,I'mback! LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened? L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law. LM（惊讶，但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情）：See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten tome.Lookatyourself…… L:But,mum…… LM:Neverinterruptme! L:Mum,I'mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And I'llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto. LM（大喜）：Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor'ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven'tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I'llgo andtellhim.（下） L（惊愕）：What?Themayor'sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood？（手中的锅 铲掉在地上）WhatasillythingIhavedone！（下） Act3本文转自：.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 （J睡眼惺忪上） J（边走边道）：Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks？ （走了几步，在地上捡起袜子）Heretheyare！（闻一下） Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty！ （突然想起）Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself. （他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来）Oh,I'msohungry!Butthere'snobreakfast！（捡起地上的围 裙）ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself. JM（上）：Where'smybreakfast?Where'sLunch?Hasn'tshegotupyet? J:Mum,can'tyouremember?Lunchhasgone! JM（沉吟片刻）：Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice girl,goandtakeherback! J（立正敬礼）：Yesmadam! Act4 (J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! Theroadisbuiltbyme！（抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上） B:AndIplantedonetree！（亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上） C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---（欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚） AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney! J（搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币）：Is1maoenough？ （三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量） A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken! B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight! C:Iheardthatthemayor'ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand robthewedding! A&B:Goodidea! J（惊讶）：What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It'simpossible! AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple! J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven'tgotdivorcedyet！ （突然有了主意）I'vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don'tyou?I'llgo withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride. B:Haveyougotanyexperience? J:No.ButI'vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书$1,000,000) Act5本文转自：.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影 （转眼已到了婚礼之期.MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台） （J和三强盗跃至台中） ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! A:Theroadisbuiltbyme! B:...