[圣诞节经典搞笑短信顺便祝你剩蛋快乐]通知：由于你的小鸡鸡使用过于频繁责令于12月24日切除，顺便祝你剩蛋快乐 如果你能闪耀阳光，你愿温暖谁的心？如果你能吹送春风，又愿舒展谁的笑？在这个平安夜里，谁是你思念的人？不论世...+阅读
最搞笑的英语短信 Funniest Text Msgs.
● Good looks catch the eyes but Good Personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! FLATTERED?
Don't Be! It was sent to me. I just wanted you to read it.
漂亮的脸蛋能吸引眼球但是好的人品能吸引人心。你很幸运的同时拥有这两方面！被恭维了？
少来了！这个短消息是送给我的。我只不过想让你看看罢了。
● Good morning...... Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today?
1) Pray-so that u may live...2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!
早上好...你今早醒来的时候有没有做这两件最重要的事呢？
1）祈祷- 好让你可以活下去..2）洗澡-好让别人也可以活下去！
● Can u pronounce good English? Read along: woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, poof, woof, woof, hoof, loof, roof, shoof,
Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.
你的英语发音很标准？读下去： woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, poof, woof, woof, hoof, loof, roof, shoof,
测试结果：你是一条好狗。现在可以停下别叫了。
● If u hide, I'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, I'll search 4 you. If u'll leave, I'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, I'll fight 4 u.
But, if u stop sending msgs, I'll kill you.
如果你躲起来，我会去找你。如果你不见了，我会寻觅你。如果你离开了，我会等你。如果日子会把你带走，我会为你战斗。
但是，如果你停止发短信息，我会宰了你。
● Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 world peace. That's impossible, he said.
Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said: “Let me try world peace”.
有一次上帝来到我面前答应了我一个愿望。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。
然后我请让你变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”
● 1 day u'll B surprised 2C ME beside U. U & Me laughing, U&Me crying, U & Me dreaming,
U & Me holding on, U & Me...just U & Me sitting in a MENTAL & ME CHECKING U.
一天你会很惊讶的发现我出现在你身边。你我一起欢笑，一起哭泣，一起梦想，依偎在一起，一起...
只不过是你我一起坐在精神病院里并且我在检查你。
This msg. will refresh your brain in 5 seconds. 5...4...3...2...1...
>Error: No Brain Detected!!!
这条消息将会让你的头脑清醒5秒。5..4..3..2..1..
>；错误提示：未侦测到大脑！！！
英文搞笑短信谁有英文的？？
＂Mr。 Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news,＂ the doctor told his patient。 ＂You only have six months to live。＂ The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes。 ＂I can't possibly pay you in that time。＂ ＂Okay,＂ the doctor said, ＂let's make it nine months A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street。 However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach。 After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position。 He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring。 Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, ＂And now what, my little man?＂ To which the boy replies, ＂Now we run!＂ An elderly gentleman being, one evening, in the company of some persons who were much amused at the witty sayings of a child , said to some one near him, that witty children usually made stupid men。
The child heard him and said to him: ＂Sir, you were very witty, no doubt when you were young。＂。
求英语的短笑话！3 4句的！急
To Give Up the Seat Little Johnny says ＂Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.＂ ＂Well, you've done the right thing,＂ says Mommy ＂But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap.＂ 让座 小约翰告诉妈妈：“早上我和爸爸坐公车时，他让我给一位女士让座。” “好，你做得对。”妈妈说。 “但是，妈妈，我那时正坐在爸爸的大腿上。” Be Much Worse Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse. 可能更糟 警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢？ 男士：如果我张嘴喊叫，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那样情况就更糟了！ My Baby Swallowed a Bullet Young Mother: ＂Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ? Doctor: ＂Don't point him at anybody.＂ 年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？” 医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。
”
英文幽默笑话
The mean man's party The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, ＂Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.＂ ＂Why use my elbow and foot?＂ ＂Well, gosh,＂ was the reply, ＂You're not coming empty-hangded, are you？吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 I think that I'm a chicken Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg！ 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？ 病人：我认为我是一只鸡。
精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？ 病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 Who Is the Laziest? Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? Tom: Our teacher, father. 中文： 父亲：哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？ 汤姆：我不知道，爸爸。 父亲：啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课？ 汤姆：我们老师，爸爸。 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: ＂When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones.＂ Wife: ＂No, I can't marry anyone after you.＂ Johnson: ＂But I want you to.＂ Wife: ＂But why?＂ Johnson: ＂Jones once cheated me in a horse deal！＂ 译文： 老农约翰逊就要死了。
他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”
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